I creep down the ancient stone hallway, barely containing my anticipation. Months of tracking down clues, solving riddles and dodging hamster attacks are finally bearing fruit. Beyond the door at the end of the hallway lies the Donut of Time, last breakfast artifact I must recover before I can challenge the Hamsters of Doom and stop them from destroying humanity.
Although I long to finish the quest, I stop and carefully inspect my path for traps. It took all the skills my mentor taught me, and then some, to survive this long. I would be a fool to let some silly mistake ruin my chances—not to mention doom the entire human race to furry annihilation. At last, I reach the door. I draw the Oatmeal Sword, the first artifact I acquired, and shatter the rusted lock with a single blow from its mighty blade. The door creaks. I tense. Every sound since entering the hidden fortress has suggested traps about to crush, burn, or decapitate me. I wait a moment, to make sure I’m not about die, then push the door open. The Donut of Time hovers above a pedestal in the center of the room. Sunlight streams onto its perfectly frosted surface, still deliciously intact after centuries of hiding. But someone has beat me to it. People fill the room wearing bright colors and weird cone-shaped helmets. They raise a shout when they see me. A battle cry? The leader of the crowd charges toward me. I raise my blade, but hesitate. “Sir Doddywink?” My mentor throws his open his arms and grins from ear to ear. “Happy Birthday, Freddie!” Confetti falls from the ceiling. The people cheer. Tables bearing a variety of refreshments surround the Donut of Time. A pile of brightly wrapped gifts rests in a far corner. I turn back to Sir Doddywink. “But I thought you were dead!” My mentor laughs. “The mentor figure dying? Even I wouldn’t do something that clichéd!” I let the Oatmeal Sword drop to the ground. “But the quest… the Hamsters of Doom…” “Well, I needed some way to get you out of town while I prepared your surprise party!” Sir Doddywink tosses his arm over my shoulders. “Come on, join the fun!” I mingle with the partygoers, still processing what just happened. I recognize most of them—friends and family from the village where I grew up. I assumed they had perished when Sir Doddywink, with his ‘dying breath,’ told me hamsters had razed my hometown. After a while, I settle into the party and laugh, despite still shoving down disappointment. Enduring months of relentless running and death-defying danger in order to save the world is one thing, but doing it for a surprise party? I seek out Sir Doddywink. “Okay,” I say, leaning casually on the hilt of the Oatmeal Sword. “I understand how you hid clues in secret chambers all over the world, but one thing still confuses me: Where did you get the hamsters?” Sir Doddywink cocks his head. “What hamsters?” “The ferocious beasts that attacked me at least once a week while I was on my quest! Honestly, that was going a bit too far. Innocent bystanders could have died!” Doddywink freezes. “Hamsters? You’re joking, right? Trying to get back at me for not telling you I knew where the Donut of Time was all along?” Concern grips me. I take the Oatmeal Sword by the hilt. “Are you saying you didn’t send hamsters to attack me?” “No! I would never do that! Besides, the Hamsters of Doom are long gone, if they ever existed in the first place.” The ground shakes. An uneasy murmur spreads throughout the partygoers. Small pebbles rain from the ceiling. An earthquake? “Stay calm!” I yell. Glass shatters. A hulking form blocks out the sunlight. A four-fingered paw reaches through the broken window and claws the ceiling. The building shudders. Before my eyes, the creature rips away the entire roof and tosses it aside like a rag. The screaming begins in earnest. Clearly visible through the gap is yet another horrifying sight, the kind I’ve come to expect weekly by now. A 300-foot tall hamster, fangs dripping saliva, beady eyes gleaming with malicious intent, stares down at us. “I AM FLUFFY, HAMSTER OF DOOM!” The beast roars. “PREPARE TO DIE!” Partygoers scatter in all directions. I remain transfixed by the terrible, yet majestic, sight. Fluffy throws back his head and laughs. A panicking guest crashes into me. I snap out of my trance and dart across the room to grab the Donut of Time. With Donut and Oatmeal in hand, I face my foe. Still chuckling, Fluffy slams down one humongous paw. I raise the Donut and deflect his blow. Fluffy looks down, his cheek pouches expanding in confusion. “I am Freddie, the Warrior of Breakfast!” I shout. “And as long as I stand, you shall not harm a hair on the heads of these innocent people!” Fluffy still looks perplexed. To clarify what’s happening, I stab his paw with the Oatmeal Sword. Fluffy whimpers and sucks on his injured paw. After a moment, his eyes narrow at the source of his pain. He spits out his paw and bellows in rage. “PUNY HUMAN! YOU ONLY INCREASE YOUR SUFFERING WHEN YOU RESIST A HAMSTER OF DOOM!” Fluffy rains down a hail of blows. I duck, spin and leap, deflecting his strikes and getting in a few of my own. His paws bleed from a myriad of wounds. I remain untouched. Fluffy roars again and redoubles his attack. He’s bigger than any hamster I’ve ever fought, but I’m faster and wielding powerful breakfast artifacts. I smile. Maybe I’ll get the birthday party I hoped for after all. The End *** Many years ago, when I was an itty bitty kid, I was playing a game of Risk with my cousin-- until my sister decided to drop a hamster on our board. My armies, about to conquer all of Europe, were pushed off the table and into oblivion. We never got to finish the game, but the idea of hamsters destroying the world has stuck with me ever since. A Fool's Quest originally appeared on Havok in May 2019. I released it for free here as part of my two-week campaign to connect more readers with my writing. If you enjoyed it, read the other stories I've shared on my website, or click the green button in the upper right hand corner to sign up for my email list and get an exclusive free short story, The Besouler.
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Progress on Doombear, Rough draft:10%
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"In truth, by leaving, I was seeking only one thing. A journey."
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